Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
