My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
