ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
