we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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