I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he quoted the bible to break up with me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
