I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
