Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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