Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
