quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
