When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
