if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
