tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
