If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
