a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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