I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
