Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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