My liver just broke up with me...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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