dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
