it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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