He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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