Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
