she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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