You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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