K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We need a shit load of segways right now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
