I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
