Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
