I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
