i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize