You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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