i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My ass is underappreciated
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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