you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
