Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize