EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
