So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Boobs speak an international language.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
