your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
two words: eviction party
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
