So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize