I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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