So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
