Swine flu. Run for my life!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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