dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
