dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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