I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
