i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
