I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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