yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize