sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
