He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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