so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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