Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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