My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
