"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i now understand why vodka
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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