You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
