You smell like a Billy Joel song
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think your dad took our porno
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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