I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
