I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
