My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
