He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
