I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
