addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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