You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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