i already hear my dad disowning me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
