Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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