Your tits are I can't wait for
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
