We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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