when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My liver is preforming stress tests.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
