i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
