i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
