I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize