you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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