...so i touched it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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